caim's bad blog

 I became exactly what I hated. I don't want to go into it but I lied a lot and exacerbated stuff during my life. I didn't know how bad my psychosis actually was until it was too late. I apologize if anyone who knew me pre medication finds this. I'm sorry I was a husk of a person dictated by my subconscious thoughts. do I deserve to make new friends? I'm not sure. I'm enjoying my time alone rn but I cant deny being lonely. iop is exhausting. I'm also trying to quit all drugs and that's not going well.who even am I? I don't know. I hope i find out soon.

I live in a glorified hamster cage. so does my mii. I wanted to romo miku but he fell for rin instead. I'm hopelessly addicted to this sims game that's better than the sims. you put your miis in the apartment complex from hell and see what happens. unfortunately unlike the newest release there's no homo. overall a very charming little game. I enjoy the warioware esque mini games. no longer regret modding my 3ds. 10/10  

  when I was young bjd were high on my wishlist but I was ashamed/they were more inaccessible. come 2026 you can buy a boy in a box. randomly. I unleashed the young idol style. pro: cute, posable, nice outfit con: hair is difficult to remove, clothing can be hard to put on would buy another? maybe would recommend? if you like a cute boy in a box go for it

10:00 pm. eating cold soup from the can in the glow of youtube streamed on tv. the american dream was never true, but one imagines this is close. how many lives lost to ensure one man like me can live like a king?

  turns out, yes! I know some things about Linux like the Wacom driver being included and grabbed an ancient bamboo tablet. to my surprise it worked! I'm assuming with a nicer tablet/Chromebook it would be a smoother process. krita app works just fine so far (I use other apps to draw on my actual Galaxy tab fe, didn't test it much) as an aside, since my psychotic break my cognition hasn't been up to par. I used to be able to draw quickly and now I'm slow af. downgrading a lot of my tech is surprisingly helping me adapt. everything's slower and more limited, so it forces me to slow down. still struggling w the guilt and shame though...

 I love underpowered tech and working around the limitations. in this world what's more underpowered than an og slate style 2ds? current experiment to cure boredom is taking photographs with it.   of course some games let you take screenshots as well. I hope in this world of expensive consumerism you also learn to find joy in small things like this. after a recent post meltdown schizoaffective diagnosis its been difficult, but my 2ds certainly helps.